Betrayal
Josh, Life October 26th, 2007A tattoo is a huge decision, something that impacts the rest of your life because it is permanent. Josh and I made a promise that we would get our first tattoos together. I wanted us to go into it as equals, facing this new experience together. I wanted it to be a special memory we could share.
This weekend he went to Orlando with a friend to see an old friend that now goes to college there. He had been talking to me about possibly getting a tattoo while up there, but after discussion promised he wouldn’t, because of the aforementioned reasons, because he wanted us to do it together too. He promised.
So he calls me tonight and tells me he got one. Without me. Breaking his promise.
He says “oh, it’s not a big deal, Love. I’ll come with you when you get yours. I’ll even get another with you.”
But it isn’t that easy. Because he’ll have done it before. It isn’t shared anymore. It isn’t us facing the new and unknown together.
And I feel completely and utterly betrayed.
Where I’m usually always anxious to talk to him and hear his voice, I can’t stand to even think of talking to him. I feel worthless, unimportant. Like he decided I wasn’t special enough to experience this with. I’m not good enough.
And this thing is permanent. It isn’t some small fight. If I marry him like planned, I’ll have this reminder permanently etched on his body of his betrayal, staring at me in the face for the rest of our lives. So instead of always reminding me of a happy memory whenever I see it, it’ll be bad.
I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to hear from him. Everything I feel for him has been stolen away. He’s always been the one I go to to be happy. He’s always been able to cheer me up, he’s always been there for me. What now?
October 26th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Baby Im sorry your right I messed up big and theres nothing I can ever do to fix it Im an ass I love you and theres prolly nothing I can ever do to fix it Im sorry I love you if you can be with me then and you want to get one i ll get one with you baby I love you and I m sorry if you can ever can be with me again then i ll do my best to never hurt you again i love you
yasha
October 26th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Well, me being the ass I am, I would have called him, an idiotic fucktard for not thinking about you first, or how it will hurt your feelings. Instead, it was all about his wants, knowing about the discussion he had with you before, which gave me the impression of him being selfish.
It’s a permanent mess up, that’s left like a scar, a reminder. Judging by his coming, I’m sure he realizes what he did was wrong, but still it’s a permanent mess up. Since, the tattoo is a fixed memory. ._.;
*hugs* I hope you feel better sky, but you can’t hold a grudge forever. It’s unhealthy, and you’ll feel better once you forgive. :3 I haven’t been able to move on from my ex, ’cause of the grudge I held against him, but once I forgave, I was able too. Even though I couldn’t directly, but I was able to forgive him indirectly at least. Either way, it counts.
=] Good luck, and take care!
October 27th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Sorry I stumbled across your site from a few links… i’ve never commented before or anything so I feel a little like i’m intruding by commenting because this is so personal. If you think so too, by all means tell me to fuck off. I won’t be angry.
Response: I have no problem with you visiting or commenting.
With that said, i’d recommend thinking it out for a week with plenty of icecream and chocolate and friends. If he’s truly sorry, and I wouldn’t go for believing words here (anyone can say sorry, but acting it out is different), i’d judge by his future actions if you can stomach being with him. But I wouldn’t base your judgements while your emotions are still raw. I don’t know anything about you and him, how long you’ve been together, so on so forth, so I can’t tell you what i’d do in this situation. I will say this: there’s no point being with a guy that makes you feel sick.
To the guy: i’m sorry if my comments were harsh, especially the thing about words but this is a rather big screw up.
October 27th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I decided to comment with this rather than blog again with it because it is relevant to this and I don’t feel it needs a post; I just need to get it out.
See, thats the thing. There are like two sides to him. The part that cares, the part that agreed to the promise, the part that commented on this post and was truly sorry. And then the part that doesn’t give a damn, that went and got the freaking tattoo without me, the part that answers the phone with no emotion, barely talking, blaming everything on me. I love the first part. He is the person I fell in love with. He is the one that I’ve known for the past three years. But then the other part started creeping in. The part that makes me want to scream.
I told him tonight that I never wanted to hear from him or see him ever again. Of course, I was speaking to the other side. The part that I keep getting over and over. Pretty much for the past month minus about two days when I was pretty much ready to leave.
He says I need to understand that he is both. That I need to accept that. It’s his freaking turn to understand. It’s his freaking turn to do something for the relationship. Cuz I’ve freaking had it with always being the one understanding and caring and stepping down and giving in and being the only freaking one giving a freaking damn. I give up. It’s his turn.
October 27th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
He used to tell me that I needed to be stronger, that I shouldn’t take things, that I needed to be confident. He changed me and shaped me.
Now, in a derogatory way, he says: “You used to be sweeter.”
Thank you, Yasha, take that knife and twist it.
October 27th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I recently had a problem with my big sister who I loved so much when did left me out and secretly went to an amusement park with everybody and not me. I was incredibly angry for a week straight that I ignored her and haven’t spoken with her in that whole week. Yesterday she took me to watch Saw 4, which my family pressured me to go and reconcile with her and I did somewhat. But I was truly heartbroken because I loved her and I cared for her as I always did and for her to do that to me made me felt to neglected and unwanted that I couldn’t bare to look at her face because it reminded me of how I felt on that day.
But I’ve gotten over it and we are still good friends now. I love my sister but she can make mistakes that truly make me feel so bad and rejected.
I’d feel VERY hurt if my parter did what Josh did to me, so you have every right to be angry.
October 27th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
First of all *hugs* you deserve a nice big hug right now. Like what we’ve talked about before, I think you need a little time to work things out. Even if you want to leave him at that moment (that one side of him) you have to keep it there for a moment, and keep your head straight. It will work out. Sooner or later. But now, you two just needs\ to vent, and spend some time away from each other. I will not agree with every single male ego on this situation this time (like I usually do because I’m so lax on things), I’m not going to be like a man and tell you, you need to relax, because to me, this is a big screw up. It wouldn’t really matter if he didn’t promise, but he did, so this one is permanent. It is! At the same time, I can’t really tell you what to do, because knowing me I’ll take this situation on a whole different path, and basically go down the violent route. But, I think you both need to think it through individually, and eventually really sit down, phones turned off, all distractions away and really talk. Tell him how your really feel. I know it will take sometime to see how things will turn out later in the future, but I think patience is key in a relationship (that is what I’m learning now). Just give it sometime and see what you can come up with, and how the situation will resolve. Right now, it is way too early to really make a decision. I understand that you dearly love him, and I admire you so much for keeping your relationship going for three years. I envy you for that. But even then, relationships will have its ups and downs, it can’t always be good. YOU and only you can be the judge at how big this situation is. Just give it some time, be yourself, be strong (which I know you can), don’t boggle yourself down with it; act as if you are the Queen of the World because every single woman should feel like that! Flaunt what you have because you have a lot to flaunt, and show him that you are not someone to put down, even to that one side of him that doesn’t give a shit. You are his girl, and he should give a shit about you!! Isn’t that the whole point of a relationship itself?
I’m rooting for whatever will bring you happiness. I don’t like seeing you this way. I know that a good resound solution is on its way. If you need me, you know where to find me.
I’m here for you. Show him that strength that you have. Show him that you are not one to be pushed around. You, Skye, are a priceless jewel! *huggles*
October 28th, 2007 at 6:03 am
*huggles* I hope you’re feeling better already, don’t let his selfishness put you down. Be strong girl. =|
October 28th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I think we’re ok. Hopefully.